A Family in Chaos

I have always been a HUGE OPPONENT OF RESPONSIBILITY. “Free & Easy Down the Road I Go!”, could’ve been the soundtrack to my life! Well… that and .38 Special’s “Hold on Loosely”, “Born to be Wild” by Steppenwolf, and any other song that you can think of that reminisced about or glorified the art of “OUT!!!”

Which leads me to how did I get here? Why am I not on a Harley, burning up asphalt somewhere? Or tending bar at some smokey, smelly dive on a beach somewhere close to nowhere? The Talking Heads sang, ”…And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
And you may ask yourself-Well…How did I get here?”

THAT IS WHERE I AM…OFTEN…AND “YES” THIS IS MY BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, AND THIS IS MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE….

So as I sit here watching a “classic” baseball game, daydreaming of sitting on a beach. BTW- “classic” baseball game means it is a rerun of a game from 1987…is that weird? Jen say’s she thinks it is weird…as she looks up from one of those stupid books!!!! I have been watching it for an hour, and she just now noticed! Anyway, so here I sit when I suddenly have the revelation…

All of the things I love in life are steeped in YOUTH & FREEDOM! Baseball is chronically called a game for children, and the players are known as “the boys of summer”! Summer itself, with it’s suggestion of the beach, and ocean….and NO SCHOOL!!!

The last time in my life when I felt absolutely NO responsibility….Sailing on a 1935 Schooner off the coast of the British Virgin Islands, with a Rumrunner in my hand, and my BRAND NEW, lovely bride on my arm! We had ABSOLUTELY no concern about what we were gonna do when we got back, we weren’t even that sure IF we were coming back!! At that point in life, we could have taken ANY path….there were no real responsibilities holding us back. We were YOUNG…..well at least SHE was young!!!! I was 28, she was 18!

So how did I get here? Just lucky I guess….I always have been LUCKY! But that is really in my perspective, cause crappy things happen to us too, I just don’t remember them. I can, however, remember in between my sessions of Chemotherapy, going to Vegas to Jimmy Buffett! I don’t remember much about the year of Chemo, but I remember when it was all over, spending two weeks in Hawaii, ON THE BEACH, with Jen & Riley, it was AWESOME!! I remember Riley’s first HOMERUN, and Addie’s first Tee ball game, and her Christmas dance recital. I remember what it feels like to have Cooper flatten his little body out, so he could go down the stairs like a slide, so he could get downstairs quicker to give me a hug when I walked in the door.

So….the reality is….I married a YOUNG wife, and I revel in every little event with my kids, because they are EACH a portal to YOUTH & FREEDOM!!

GEEZ, I’M A SELFISH BASTARD!!!

Life is full of defining moments. I love the line from the movie Tin Cup, “When a defining moment comes along, you either define the moment, or it defines you!” But the reality is, when a defining moment comes along, you are going to define it for countless others as well. Your action or lack of action will run its course on, not only your life, but others around you as well.

The single most important thing you will ever do in your life is be a parent! Now that can be debated only if you are the person who discovers the cure for Cancer, or Aids. Or some other spectacular act that affects the entire planet. Suffice it to say, you probably aren’t gonna fit that category.

That being said, many of your defining moments are going to be around your children. So virtually all of your actions or lack of action is going to have a direct impact on those little hellions!

My dad just had his 79th birthday yesterday. I called him today to wish him Happy Birthday, because if I would have called yesterday, he would probably have dropped dead of a heart attack! I am always late on that kind of stuff, besides it gives people a little longer to celebrate, like getting Christmas presents a week after Christmas! Anyway, saving the best for last, I guess.

While we were talking we were reminiscing about old times, and it made me think of the defining moments of my childhood, that were not my defining moments, but either my parents or siblings, and how they affected me.

Those of you that have had the pleasure of meeting my dad, knows what a charachter he is. Larger than life! He has had a life that absolutely would be worthy of a book! Also, those that have met him, and know any of my siblings can probably see why we are what we are…

Dad had a whole other life prior to my birth, but he was a preacher for all of my recollections. He was never bashful, he would talk to complete strangers and ask them any number of personal questions, particularly if they were saved. We would be at dinner in a crowded restaurant, and before we ate, we would all bow our heads, and he would proceed to say grace at the top of his lungs. Obviously, I went through an age where I would be so embarrased, and would look around and see everyone looking at us. But the embarassment was totally mine, he didn’t care. It was what he believed was right, and he was gonna do it no matter what. His conviction to what was right was not gonna be impacted by what others think!

How many times on Facebook do you get a status update asking to “tell me in one word what you think about me?”. Or “fill in these blanks about me.” Those of you that know me, know I don’t care much about what you think about me! You will never see me solicit your approval of my personality or lifestyle or parenting skills or whatever! Now you know why! It’s the old man’s fault! And I’m perfectly ok with that!

Another memory we talked about was when I  was probably about 8 years old, we were at a Virginia Tech football game. Some drunk dude was sitting about two rows up. That guy was screaming and yelling all kinds of obscenities, the kind I hadn’t heard since my bus ride to school that morning! The Reverend stood up, turned around, and told the drunk “you need to get a hold of your mouth, or I will do it for you!”. The Reverend was a rather big man back in the day, and as I recall, the drunk was quite reserved after that. I will always remember the day I learned the Reverend, my dad, was a BADASS!!

Again, conviction was the ultimate catalyst for The Reverend’s actions. So many of us have convictions, but too many times we are too wimpy to stand up and call out the wrong! So, here we go…..here comes the moral to this blog…….STEP UP! EITHER BE A BADASS! OR BE A DUMBASS!!

And Jen said she is bummed because she was not in this blog, so now she is…….And I love her for her self absorbtion!!!

As many of you know, I spent Tuesday in Chattanooga, Tenn for a job interview. And to answer many of your questions, the interview went well, and NO, they have not made me an offer.

So anyway, I awoke at 4:45am, I got showered and dressed (yes, I put my crap away) and was out the door by 5:30am for a 7am flight. I felt really bad leaving Jen with 2 sick little kids, and to add to her chaos…it was her first night working at The Buckle. So she had to work out the arrangements for a babysitter for two sick litttle kids and transportation for Riley to go to baseball practice, before her first shift at 5pm.

It was a BLIZZARD way out here at my house on Akers Mountain, and driving was VERY stressful, especially without coffee. Apparently, my coffee maker doesn’t work until 7am.  So, now I feel horrible….Jen is gonna wake up to NO coffee, cause I didn’t make it, she has to get all the sick kids up and ready in order to take Riley to school in a blizzard, I didn’t put the car seats in the van for her, I left them in the garage, She has ALL of this before the stress of starting a new job!! I am a HORRIBLE husband!

When I got to the airport, and through security, it was virtually boarding time. That being said, my expectations for a first class upgrade were nonexistent. However, I was pleasantly surprised, when I handed them my boarding pass to enter the plane…the little slot machine that they run the tickets thru, rang up my jackpot upgrade! So I boarded and got my coffee with Baileys of course. Now I don’t know about you, but I am an “opportunist”! So when the Flight Attendants come by asking if they can get me another free drink, “SURE!!!”  I just feel guilty saying NO! It’s like your parents telling you “You better eat your dinner, there are starving people in (add your own 3rd world country)”! I feel the same way…you know there is a guy back in coach that is dying for a Bloody Mary, or Vodka/Cranberry! And besides, can you really perform your best in a job interview without a couple of drinks first!! I think NOT!

Okay, so anyway….while enjoying my 5 hour flight time, I began to think about stuff! I know….nothing good ever comes after that phrase!

So Jen is off to her new job at The Buckle, sporting her NEW shirt, that she just bought from The Buckle for $85! And I am sitting on this airplane…on my way to a job interview…..wearing a $12 Old Navy shirt that is at least 3 years old!!! YES, I SWEAR…. I am trying to get a six figure job, in a $12 shirt, and she is going to her new $5 hour (+commission) job in an $85 shirt???

That makes no sense to me???? Really, I don’t get it? Don’t get me wrong….I love that $12 Old Navy shirt, and I always get it dry cleaned and pressed in HEAVY starch, so it still looks great. I just wonder at the irony!!! So the moral of this story is a contiuation from my earlier post….PERSPECTIVE!!! After a few breakfast drinks, and too much contemplation on our clothing imbalance….I am NOT a horrible husband!! I am so LOW maintenance!! She is a tuff girl, she can handle it! I hope she gets some clothes washed too while I’m gone!!

Dear Dad,

With a son nearing the driving age, I have recently begun to feel remorse and trepidation. I feel I am long overdue on a few apologies! So, to begin I would like to sincerely apologize for jumping the railroad tracks in front of Albertville High School in the lime green Maverick, which resulted in a twisted frame and cracked engine block. This was obviously very irresponsible. Also, I would like to apologize for burying the little diesel Toyota pickup up to the door handles in mud out by the dam, that night after work at the Catfish Cabin. Further, I also deeply regret losing all the hubcaps to the Buick Century while driving way to fast around the curves on that road on the side of the mountain that goes around Guntersville Lake, as well as throwing the rod clean through the oil pan on that same Buick!  I would also like to apologize for all of the mailboxes you found in the back of the red Ford F150, as well as folding the heavy duty diamond plate rear bumper underneath the truck. I am just glad I managed to get the truck out of the way of the telephone pole as it fell. And of course the Dodge Colt, I am also sorry that you got to watch me side swipe the telephone pole (different pole) while picking up my vent brush off the floor. If you recall this happened 20 yards from our house in the neighborhood behind the Dr Pepper/7UP distibutor. And blowing the engine on the Colt coming back from Huntsville. I guess that is why the red line is on the  Tachometer…who knew! And to my sister, Shari, I  want to apologize for the poop stain in the passenger seat of your little Datsun, when you ran in front of the train after church, on the way to lifeguarding at A’ville pool. And most of all, Dad, I want to thank you for the grace and patience in allowing me to live through these many automobile transgressions! In closing, I would like to remind my son, who will invariably read this post, that grace and patience are not hereditary! Love, your son Ric!