A Family in Chaos

I was laid off in November 2009! It has been a long, strange 17 months! I was fortunate enough to have saved a TON of money over the past 7 or 8 years! Add in the money from unemployment, and the insurance Jen’s job provided, we really made it through fairly comfortably! HOWEVER, with unemployment coming to an end soon, and savings hitting a critical low, it had become imperative that something changed soon!

Jen & I have both been home pretty much then entire time, with all the drama with the baby! It has been both stressful and great at the same time! Anyway, i just wanted to bring everyone up to date, as I know a lot of you dont follow our family like the sitcom that we really are!

So all that being said here are the:
TOP 10 THINGS I WILL MISS FROM UNEMPLOYMENT!!

10 – MLB NETWORK! 24 hours of baseball programming! This has been particularly awesome with Preseason Baseball!

9 – The Dan Patrick Show! I’m gonna miss you Danny! Not really, I’m gonna DVR ya! This is a great show! Its 3 hours long, and Jen loved it to! We would sit in bed and drink our coffee and laugh! It beats the SHIT outta watching all the negativity on the morning shows or crappy news!

8 – Tosh.0 reruns! The absolute FUNNIEST SHOW on television! Be prepared to be shocked & offended! You gotta DVR it!

7 – Drinking beer/rum anytime of the day I wanted! That’s always great! And it makes watching Yo Gabba Gabba so much funnier!

6 – Weekly shower, shave, & toothbrushing sessions! How great was
that? It wasn’t necessary! I could just let the smell or the itch dictate my grooming habits!

5 – Spending ALL day in either my underwear or my bathrobe! This was great, too! I used to see Hugh Hefner and think, “who does that?” But I have seen the light! It’s awesome! I would try to get Jen to call me Hugh! I even tried to get her to get a friend come over, and let me be Charlie Sheen, and they could be the Goddesses! That never happened, but it woulda been great!

4 – Spending time with the kids was great too! We had a lot of fun! I know you all will be shocked, I’m pretty immature, and loved playing with them, and teaching them how to mix a Cap’n & Coke!

3 – Laughing with my wife! She has the greatest laugh! And the best sense of humor! Obviously, she has to have a great sense of humor to put up with my smart ass being home for 17 months!

2 – Morning ummmmm, well, flag flying! See my previous blogs if you don’t know what I’m talking about!

1 – Watching my wife fold clothes, vacuum, dust, etc… There is absolutely NOTHING sexier than a woman cleaning up after a man! I would take clothes out of the closet and throw them on the ground just so she would have things to wash and fold! She would yell at me, “you haven’t worn clothes in a week, how do you have dirty
clothes!” I would just shrug my shoulders and smile!

There you have it……sigh…..well, it’s time to start preparing myself to re-enter society! I hope I remember how to act!

Ok let me start this Death Wish blog by stating the obvious…..I LOVE MY WIFE, AND IF I TURN UP DEAD TOMORROW, SHE DID IT!!

SHE’s CRAZY!!

One of the tremendous benefits of the Internet is that you can shop at home!! It is much more convenient, and……..quicker??

With the birth of our little Murphie, comes one of the wonderful opportunities that all of you women love…..the chance to purchase birth announcements!!!

With the Internet, it is so EASY! You can pick from THOUSANDS of different designs, and you can participate in the design by selecting from THOUSANDS of photos that have already been taken of your brand new addition!

This Internet is FANTASTIC…..unless you have OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER!!!

Jen has been on the computer since first thing this morning working on these, which would be perfectly okay with me except for one small detail…….MY INPUT IS NECESSARY!!

I am sorry! I DO NOT CARE!! They are all pretty, pick one by 9 a.m. And let’s be done!

I know, all of you think Jen is just WONDERFUL!! And I am the luckiest guy I the world! And you are absolutely correct!!! Jen saved my life! She makes me a better person! She makes me laugh, and is the PERFECT wife for me!! HOWEVER……

She has come a LONG way since we first got married! The days are long gone where we stood in the sock department for hours trying to pick out socks for Riley when he was just a year old! She would get just as frustrated at me because I could not grasp the importance of choosing just the right sock!

Now these instances come more and more infrequently, which is a HUGE blessing, because we have discovered that this “disorder” is a genetic trait! While Jen has learned to manage her craziness, Addison is in the midst of FULL BLOWN OCD!!

Apparently, no one on the planet knows the proper way to put socks on Addie, except ME!! I guess Jen never learned the proper way to stretch them out, or position them over the toes properly!?!?

She is 4 years old and has to have “tag less” panties or she is going commando! Her sandwich must be cut the proper way, which happens to change from one sandwich to another! This obviously adds to the difficulty in remaining calm! You would think, that being a recovering OCD sufferer, Jen would be more understanding than me, NOT TRUE! Sometimes it’s like gas on a fire!!

Now you can see why I have title this blog JUST ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE, and included the subtitle “a family in chaos!” Because our life and our family….we are ALL CRAZY! It is always CHAOS!

AND IT ALWAYS WORKS FOR US!! I LOVE MY CRAZY LIFE!!

BUT PLEASE….IF THERE ARE ANY OF YOU OUT THERE WHO HAVE BEEN SHOPPING WITH MY WIFE, PLEASE COMMENT ON YOUR EXPERIENCES, SO THAT IF I TURN UP DEAD, THE COPS WILL HAVE SOME ADDITIONAL EVIDENCE THAT MY WIFE DID IT!!

So we have Murphie home after exactly a one month stay in the NICU!! Jen would be 37 weeks today! Murph is tiny, at 5 Lbs 3 Oz, she is a peanut! She sleeps beside us in her bassinet, and because her premature body is still so underdeveloped, she pretty much just sleeps, eats, and craps!!! As she lay in her bassinet tonight she was fussing around and ripping unbelievably loud farts! I guess, being a man, I could not help but laugh….at every one!! Which leads us to the most current blog….

My kids make me laugh everyday…the little kids just say & do stuff without even knowing it….but my 14 year old just has that warped sense that Jen & I have….thank God, or he would really be embarrassed!!

They all have their cute little things they say that you wanna write down in that journal, you know, the one you always talk about starting but never do!!

Like Addison telling me that her “zucchini” still fits!!

Or Cooper trying to take a way my “Hellphone”, which Jen thinks is prophetic!

But my favorites are the ones that are really funny, but not quite as cute….

My kids are VERY competitive…about EVERYTHING!!! One of those endearing traits they get from their MOTHER!!! So they have to be first at everything, especially Addie Cake!! She is always letting everyone know that she beat you, and she has taught that lesson well to the innocent little 2 year old, who stood triumphantly at the top of the stairs, hands in the air, and proudly proclaims, “I beat you Addie, your a LOSER!!”

Or Addie trying to get Cooper to quit teasing her, “Cooper, daddy’s gonna beat your ASS!!” AGAIN, obviously this is the influence of their MOTHER…she is a serious potty mouth! I have voiced my concerns to her countless times… she has GOT to watch what she says in front of these children!!!

One of my favorites was when Riley was about 5 years old, Jen took him Christmas shopping in Nordstroms. During Christmastime, Nordstroms had a karoke machine set up for a demo. While Jen shopped, Riley picked up the mic, and with the volume maxed out, starting singing, “I did it all for the NOOKIE, yeah, the NOOKIE….” Yep, you got it…Mom loved Limp Bizket!!! And obviously, let my boy rock out in the car!!!

I just don’t know about what kind of influence she is on my children, Im thinking of calling Dr. Phil!!!

It’s official….I have been married so long I have become a WOMAN! It’s been said people with pets start to resemble their pets! I believe this happens to married men to a degree! Not physically resembling their wives, but….

My wife is at the hospital, and I walked into the bedroom and Sex in the City is on…..I didn’t change the channel!! I didn’t even realize what I was doing until the SECOND episode!!!

What MAN does that? I mean what SINGLE man does that?? Single
men don’t watch that crap… I don’t care how many sex scenes are in it! Have you ever seen a single man at Bed Bath & Beyond?
HELLLL NO! The things we do as married men is mind boggling! If
you are a married man, try to think back…really? Holding her
purse???? Please!!

I wasn’t even a metrosexual, for Christ sake! I’ve gone with Jen to get a freaking PEDICURE! WTF!! What the he’ll happened! I didn’t plan this! This isn’t the way things were supposed to turn out!

What is next? Will I be watching Chelsea Lately alone? Oprah? I’m really scared! Can I recover from this? I don’t want to be walking around with a silver dollar!! (only a select few of you will get the silver dollar joke!! LOL!!!)

That’s it! I’m going downstairs right now and pouring myself a shot of Jack Daniels! Well, maybe a vodka cranberry! F@*k I did it again! Definitely Jack Daniels!!!

I’m going to a strip club this weekend! Gotta find my manhood! Anyone coming???

IN HONOR OF THE ABSOLUTE BEST TIME OF YEAR, THE COMING OF SPRING!!

SPRING REPRESENTS ALL THAT IS GOOD IN THIS WORLD!!

SPRING IS THE REBIRTH OF THE FLOWERS THAT BRING COLOR TO OUR DAYS.

SPRING BRINGS THE GREEN TO THE GRASS, AND THE THE SMELL OF THE FRESH CUT YARD!

SPRING BRINGS PROCREATION TO THE ANIMAL KINGDOM, AND ANYTHING THAT ENCOURAGES PROCREATION, MUST BE GOOD!!

AND OF COURSE, SPRING BRINGS THE SOUNDS AND SMELLS OF THE BALLPARKS!

FRIENDS AND FAMILY CHATING &  LAUGHING, CHILDREN PLAYING, FANS SCREAMING, THE CRACK OF THE BAT, THE BARK OF THE VENDORS, THE SMELL OF ROASTED PEANUTS & HOTDOGS, & ICE COLD BEER!!!

SO THE RECIPE FOR SUCCESS CAN BE FOUND IN BASEBALL!

IT IS A SIMPLE RECIPE, WITH VIRTUALLY ONE INGREDIENT!

AND IT IS SIMPLE TO FOLLOW

BUT YOU MUST CHOOSE WISELY WHERE YOU WISH YOUR SUCCESS TO OCCUR…

BECAUSE TO FOLLOW THIS RECIPE, IS TO SACRIFICE!

IT’S TRUE, SUCCESS IS LIKE THAT CRAP WE LEARNED IN 8TH GRADE SCIENCE, EVERY ACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION. I’M SURE THERE IS A NAME FOR THIS, BUT HONESTLY, I’M FREAKIN 45 YEARS OLD TODAY, AND I WAS PROBABLY ASLEEP IN 8TH GRADE SCIENCE, SO I DON’T HAVE A CLUE WHAT IT WAS CALLED…

ANYWAY, TO OBTAIN THE RECIPE FOR SUCCESS, ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS SPEND A BRIEF AMOUNT OF TIME RESEARCHING THE CAREER OF MR. PETE ROSE!!!

PETE ONCE SAID, IF HE WAS AT THE PLATE, DOWN BY ONE RUN WITH BASES LOADED, HE HAD THE SAME DESIRE TO GET A HIT, AS HE DID IF THEY WERE UP BY 10 RUNS IN THE TOP OF THE 9TH.

PETE ROSE WAS SINGLE MINDED

HE WANTED TO HIT THE BALL

NO MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION! IT DIDN’T MATTER IF THE GAME WAS ON THE LINE OR NOT….WINNING THE GAME WAS SECONDARY, WINNING THE BATTLE WAS ESSENTIAL.

OF COURSE, PETE WANTED TO WIN EVERY GAME, HE ONCE SAID “Somebody’s gotta win and somebody’s gotta lose and I believe in letting the other guy lose. “

BUT WINNING THE GAME WAS NOT NEARLY AS IMPORTANT TO HIM AS HOW HE PLAYED.

EVERYTHING ELSE FELL TO THE WAYSIDE, FAMILY, FRIENDS, RELATIONSHIPS. NONE OF THESE WERE AS IMPORTANT AS HOW HE PLAYED BASEBALL.

IN MY OPINION, PETE ROSE IS A SELF ABSORBED, ASSHOLE, WHO IS WRAPPED UP IN HIS OWN IMPORTANCE.

BUT DAMN, HE COULD PLAY BALL! BEST PLAYER IN MY LIFETIME, NOT BECAUSE OF HIS SKILL, BECAUSE OF HIS DESIRE!

4,256 CAREER HITS!

DEREK JETER WOULD HAVE TO HAVE HIS BEST SEASON, EVERY YEAR FOR ANOTHER 7 YEARS TO GET CLOSE!

PUT THE JERK IN THE HALL OF FAME, IT’S NOT LIKE HE WOULD BE THE ONLY JERK THERE!!

ANYWAY, SO THERE YOU HAVE IT…SINGLE MINDEDNESS!

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS

ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THAT KIND OF SACRIFICE?

MOST ARE NOT!!

THAT IS WHY IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO CHOOSE WHERE YOU WANT TO SUCCEED…

I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU HAVE TO BE A FAILURE AT EVERYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE TO SUCCEED AT ONE THING…I AM SAYING THAT YOU NEED TO BE PREPARED TO BE A FAILURE IN EVERYTHING ELSE.

YOU MUST BE WILLING TO SACRIFICE ALL OF THOSE OTHER THINGS.

I KNOW…YOU ARE WONDERING WHAT QUALIFIES ME TO GIVE SUCCESS ADVICE?

I HAVE CHOSEN WHERE I WANT MY SUCCESS TO OCCUR…

I HAVE CHOSEN TO BE THE PETE ROSE TO MY WIFE AND KIDS!!

I AM PREPARED TO SACRIFICE EVERYTHING ELSE….

AND IF ANY OF THESE LITTLE HELLIONS SURVIVE TO ADULTHOOD, THEY ARE GONNA MAKE GREAT PEOPLE!!

DEAR COLT

MARCH 15, 2009

YOUR VISIT TO US WAS WAY TOO SHORT

BUT I COULDN’T IMAGINE LOVING YOU ANYMORE THAN I DO

I MISS YOU EVERYDAY

EVERY DAY I SPEND WITH COOPER, I MISS YOU MORE

WHEN HE DOES SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME, I REALIZE I WILL NEVER SEE YOUR FIRST TIME

WHEN I SEE HIM SWING A BAT AND HIT BALLS OFF OF THE TEE, I REALIZE I WILL NEVER SEE YOU PLAY BASEBALL

ALTHOUGH IT MAKES EVERDAY MORE SPECIAL WITH COOPER, IT ALSO MAKES ME ACHE TO PLAY WITH YOU

YOU LOOKED JUST LIKE COOPER WHEN HE WAS BORN, SO I ALWAYS SEE YOU IN HIS EYES, IN HIS SMILE, IN HIS LAUGH

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY SHORTSTOP

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY #45

HAPPY BIRTHDAY COLT

I know most of you have not had the experience dealing with members of Law Enforcement (pork) that I have had, so I wanted to educate you on the best ways to approach the impending knock on your window…

I first want to relate some of my experiences with Law Enforcement (ham). I have had about every reaction imaginable, from anger, remorse, calm, humorous, and shockingly enough…smart ass! You should be able to glean from my experiences what tactics are best, when interacting with Law Enforcement (bacon).

I will start with my favorite encounter. Several years ago, while Jen was working for New York & Co., she had to travel once a month to New York or Florida. This was in the time of RHD! RHD is the time before Addie and Cooper, and refers to Riley’s Happiest Days! Anyway, I was driving Jen to the airport, when, that all to familiar site popped up in the rearview. Yep, it was The Baconator! I pulled over, he walked up and tapped on the window. I never roll the window down before they tap, I like to make ‘em tap… it reminds me of CHIP’S! What a great show!! Ponch was a STUD!! Anyway, they always start with one of two approaches:

1. Do you know how fast you were going? (never say – “Duh, of course, I have a speedometer right here!”)

2. Where are you going in such a hurry? (another no no: “Dunkin Donuts, wanna come?”)

The Baconator came with #2! “Where are you going in such a hurry?” So I responded truthfully, “I’m taking my wife to the airport, you’d be speeding too!” He laughed and I saved myself $75, but not the disdain of my wife. But she was gone all weekend, so it was all good!

Another learning experience for me came many, many years ago while I was in the Air Force.  Some friends and I were trying to get into this club, and apparently we did not fit the requirements to enter. We were a little too vocal in our disdain. There was member of the local Law Enforcement (SUUUUIIII!) working the door. In his defense, he very calmly tried to difuse the situation, while at the same time letting us know that we were not gaining entrance. He gave us every opportunity to leave. Then my YOUTH, and INEXPERIENCE spoke up. I questioned the officers masculinity, and quickly got an excellent learning experience! After learning what it was like to be CUFFED & STUFFED,  I got to experience the back seat of a squad car…it was pretty cool, except for the smell of urine and vomit. I then got a free room for the night, that I got to share with the big Indian dude from “ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST”! It was actually quite terrifying! All of the stories about jail run through your mind. Luckily I left the next morning with my virginity still intact! So obviously, this is an example of “SMART ASSNESS”, and is definitely not the best tactic to use when dealing with Johnny Law!

Whatever happened to those “good ole boy” Alabama “coppers” that just took your beer?

There was also the time I tried to make myself cry…couldn’t do it! Besides, this really is only gonna work for women, I think if a cop taps on the window of a blubbering dude, he might pull him out of the car and go Rodney King on him, just cause!

I am gonna cut out many, many, many, many other examples for brevity, as well as the fact that my Mom is one of my two Blog Fan’s!!

But, the biggest thing to remember…these guys are just trying to do their job! If the municipality that they work for is financially solvent, your odds of getting a warning increase drastically. If not…well….like my daddy used to say, “if you wanna dance, you gotta pay the band” or in this case…”The Man”!!

So, in summary, the best approach is to just DEAL WITH IT!!  Your most likely gonna get a ticket! It really just matters how badly the government of that particular Law Enforcement (porkchops) entity is mismanaged!!

Oh…I almost forgot…after the Fatback gives you your ticket….ABSOLUTELY, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SAY “THANK YOU”!!

Happy Motoring, and STAY OUT OF MY WAY!!!

Okay! I know you are all dying to know what we did for our anniversary last night!! First we cashed in Skymiles and jetted off to Las Vegas!! Just for the night!!! BONUS – First Class UPGRADES!!!

We left Salt Lake yesterday, early afternoon. We were met by the limo for the Mirage, where we stayed!! Jen’s uncle is a big “player” in Vegas, and gets us hook ups all the time!! He scored again, and got us a HUGE suite!

After we got to the suite and got ready, it was off to The Foundation Room for candlelights, cocktails, and dinner! The Foundation Room is a Private Club of the House of Blues. Last time we were there, we saw Steven Tyler! It is an awesome experience!!

After The Foundation Room, we headed to the Cirque du Soleil Elvis!! The show was FABULOUS!!! If you are an Elvis fan this is a must!!!

NOW LET ME BE PERFECTLY CLEAR…..NONE OF THAT HAPPENED!! IT IS ALL LIES!!! EXCEPT THAT JEN’S UNCLE IS A PLAYER, AND WE DID SEE STEVEN TYLER LAST TIME WE WERE THERE!! BUT BEYOND THAT…ALL LIES!!

HERE IS WHAT REALLY HAPPENED!!!

5:15  PM – Jen just got home from work and loaded Cooper & Riley up and dropped Riley off at the High School for weight training. Then she headed home to shower!

5:20 PM – Addison and I headed off to dance class

5:45 PM – Dance class begins

6:45 PM – Left Dance, headed to pick up Riley. Stopped to pick up pizza, Crazy Bread, & rootbeer for Granny & kids

7:30 PM – Arrive HOME!

7:45 PM – Leave for steak dinner at Madeline’s

8:10 PM – Arrive at Madeline’s

9:10 PM – Leave Madelines for Barnes & Noble

9:20 PM – Arrive at Barnes & Noble, Jen gets a cup of cream & milk with a dash of coffee, I get an esspresso. We chat and rummage through books.

10:15 – Head HOME! YEP….You read that right, we headed HOME!!

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO US!!

WE WENT HOME!!

I KNOW WE ARE KINDA ON A BUDGET RIGHT NOW, BUT REALLY…..HOME???

BUT THAT VEGAS THING WOULD’VE BEEN FUN, HUH?

SPRING TRAINING!!! What a blast! A weekend of sun, fun, and baseball, without the little parasites KIDS!! And it was all made possible by my LOVING, CARING, SELFLESS WIFE!!!

I must say, when I first approached Jen on this one, I wasn’t sure of the reaction… Here’s how it started, “Umm, Baby, umm, you know Spring Training is coming up, and, umm, I was thinking I could pack up Addie and Riley, and head down for the weekend???”

Jen: “When and Where is it?”

Me: “Ummm, its in Mesquite over Valentines weekend, and, umm, we’ll be staying at the Virgin River Casino & Hotel.” I said this, wincing, waiting to unfurl my perfectly logical, well planned justification speech!

Jen: “You don’t need to take Addie, just go, have a boys weekend!”

Me: “                 ???” BAMM!!!! (that’s me being speechless!!! followed by the sound of my jaw hitting the floor!!!)

So my wonderful wife kept the little kids over Valentines weekend…all alone…ok so her mom came and helped, but still….this was huge! First we have never been apart for Valentines day. Not that we really celebrate VDay too much anyway… our Anniversary is 4 days later on Feb 18th. But still… Secondly, we were staying at a Casino, and if anyone knows my wife, she is 1/4 Japanese, and Asians LOVE a good Casino!!! She is not one to pass up a chance to gamble!!

So off we went, and at first I really felt guilty, and I thought I wasn’t even gonna be able to enjoy the weekend. But after running some rationalizations through my head, I was able to convince myself that we DESERVED it!! And whenever I talked with Jen on the phone, she was great! So I let go of the guilt and soaked up the SUN!!!

Riley was an only child up until he was about 12. That is along time to get all the attention of your parents, so when Addison came along, followed shortly by Cooper, his life changed DRAMATICALLY!!! So really for the last 4 1/2 years I have not been able to spend that COMPLETELY one  on one time with him. I know, Addison is not quite 4 years old, so why has it been 4 1/2 years, instead of 3?

 Because you have to factor in “Pregnant Wife” time… As any man knows, a pregnant wife is WAAAAAY more demanding and DANGEROUS, than any newborn, terrible two year old, or toddler!!! You have to be EXTREMELY careful around a prego! I mean you can leave for work, and she could lose it, “WHERE ARE YOU GOING? YOU DON’T LOVE ME ANYMORE!!!” Or you could try to be thoughtful and surprise her by buying her that new Bare Essentials makeup that she has been talking about, and all the sudden, “YOU THINK I’M UGLY!!!!” Or you make a comment about how you love her ‘baby belly”, and BAM! “YOU THINK I’M FAT!!!”  Anyway, you get the point… that is where the other 6 or 7 months comes into play!!

So, back to my fun weekend…Baseball & Riley… And of course all of the other baseball dads, I have met over the last 10 or 11 years! Mulling around drinking coffee, spittin’ sunflower seeds, talkin’ about baseball. I was happy as a fat kid at Dylans Candy Bar!! (if you don’t know what that is, check it out: dylanscandybar.com)

And what really struck me, was at the end of the day, instead of Riley heading off to hang with one of the hundreds of friends he has made over the years though baseball, he just wanted to hang out with ME!!!

“          ???” BAM (speechless, jaw drop)

That is what made the weekend great, sure the sun was great, sure the 70 degree weather was great, yes, it was great to hang out at the ballfields without having to worry about kids, and chat up all the other dads, but that was the absolute highlight. It was like it was when he was 8 years old.  We just hung out in the room and watched the Olympics and just talked about whatever!

Now I realized this is the age I always looked forward too, and now its here, and it sucks! I miss him being little. I miss our days at Murray Golf Course driving range, I miss our days taking grounders and hitting wiffle balls  at the little baseball field by Glenmoor Golf course. He was always trying to hit the ball out of that little park…then we had to stop going there cause he could, and he was losing all my balls. I miss the nights when we would have to pick Jen up at the mall late at night, and he would practice pitching againsts the brick wall, trying to hit the metal cover of  the fire hose hook up, over and over and over….Jen was always late getting off work!!!

I am so proud of him, and I am so happy that my two little test tube babies are still young, cause now I know….not to wish there lives away, savor everyday. It was a blessing in disquise that we had to wait so long for them!

I can’t wait to take Cooper and Addie to the little baseball field by Glenmoor Golf course…DAMN!!! THERE I GO AGAIN!!!!